PURPLE   PEOPLE  BEATER

HAVE NO FEAR FTW FANS....THE PURPLE PEOPLE BEATER IS HERE!

NOT MUCH IS KNOWN ABOUT THE MAN THAT IS COVERED IN PURPLE.  IN HIS TWO SHORT APPEARANCES IN AN FTW RING, BOTH HAVE COME IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY.  AT F#%KING HOSTILE, THE PURPLE PEOPLE BEATER MADE HIS DEBUT AGAINST THE CRAFTY AND DASTARDLY ROCKSTAR.  THE BEATER PUT FORTH A TREMENDOUS EFFORT, BUT CAME UP SHORT.

HE THEN TRIED TO AVENGE THE REPUTATION OF ROXIE COTTON AFTER JAY LOVER GAVE HER A DIAMOND CUTTER.  ANOTHER VALIANT EFFORT WAS GIVEN, BUT LOVER DEFEATED PPB AFTER A PILEDRIVER THROUGH A TABLE.

WHAT WE DO KNOW IS THAT THIS MAN HAS HEART.  WE KNOW THAT HE IS WILLING TO LOOK EVIL DIRECTLY IN THE EYE AND NEVER BACK DOWN.  WE KNOW THAT HE WILL STAND UP FOR HIS FELLOW MAN, EVEN IF IT MEANS THAT HE’S GOING TO GET PUMMELED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.

ARMED WITH A PURPLE CAPE, THE PURPLE PEOPLE BEATER MUST TRULY BELIEVE THAT GOOD CAN TRIUMPH OVER EVIL.  AFTER WATCHING HIM WRESTLE THUS FAR, IT IS EVIDENT THAT HE CAN HOLD HIS OWN WITH ANYONE WITHIN THE FTW LOCKER ROOM.  WE WILL SAY THAT THE PPB HAS ONE OF THE BEST DROPKICKS IN ALL OF PRO WRESTLING TODAY.

COMBINE THAT WITH HIS CLASSIC WRESTLING STYLE, AND WE HAVE A FEELING THAT ONE DAY THE PURPLE PEOPLE BEATER WILL GARNER MUCH SUCCESS IN F#%K THE WORLD WRESTLING.

THE BEATER ALSO HAS EXPLICIT RULES FOR ALL THOSE LITTLE BEATERS OUT THERE WHO MAY BE READING THIS

(THE FOLLOWING WAS INTERPRETED BY CHARLES SCHULTZ)

1 - DRINK YOUR MILK

2 - BE NICE TO WEIRD OLD PEOPLE EVEN IF THEY SMELL LIKE S#%T

3 - DON’T KISS ANYONE THAT LOOKS LIKE THEY MAY HAVE A PIMPLE ON OR NEAR THEIR LIP

IF YOU FOLLOW THESE RULES, THEN MAYBE ONE DAY YOU TOO CAN BE THE BEST AROUND!